slash_100 ; 001
Title: Lost, Broken, Confused
Fandom: McFly
Characters: Dougie Poynter
Prompt: 061;Broken
Word Count: 1031
Rating: PG
Summary: "Dougie, you lost me a long time ago."
Author's Notes: Alternate Universe. Dougie is still in high school, and Harry has graduated.



Slowly waking, I open my eyes but quickly shut them as the evil sunrays attack me. Damn sun. It has to be so bright doesn’t it? I pull the blankets over my head for a few minutes. Inch by inch I pull my head out, trying to adjust to the menacing light.

I glance over at my clock. 8:15! Bloody hell! I have school in fifteen minutes! I kick off my blankets and jump out of bed, only to fall flat on my face with a thud. Ow! What the...?! I glance at my feet to see I’m tangled in the covers. I can’t help but pathetically laugh at myself as I attempt to unwind the duvet from my legs, grunting and cursing in the process.

"I know you think I’m stupid, but I do catch your little innuendos"

Looking in the mirror I try to fix my hair as best I can.

"I never said that! I know you’re every bit as smart as me! You don’t have to prove anything to me,I just want-"

"You just want everything we had back, and it’s gone, okay? There’s nothing we can do about it. So just stop trailing me and get out of my life."

Tears trickle down my cheeks as I’m walking to school. It’s not fair. I think about it every day of my life. And every day I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest all over again.

I drag my feet up the stairs towards my locker. I can’t seem to find the energy to move on time. I groggily open the locker, accidentally bashing it into my face. Great! What a way to start off the morning.

"Guys! Will you please shut up?!" I bet you could hear Ms. Schwartz yelling at us from halfway down the hall. I wonder what today’s lesson will be? Schizophrenia? Maybe another movie. Who knows. Who cares. All I can think about is that day. The day you left me behind. I’ll never forget it.

"...in many ways. An immature frontal cortex causes some teens to make irresponsible decisions; the cruel irony is that during this most vulnerable time of brain development, teens tend to experiment with drugs and alcohol, and their brains will be affected for the rest of their lives."

Uh...what? I missed most of that. Maybe I should have been listening to the beginning of the lecture. Ah well. It can’t be that important. Sometimes I wonder where you are, or what you’re doing right now. Do you ever think of me? My eyes slowly begin to close as I drift off.

"Why should I stay? I have no reason to stay!"

"I thought you cared about me."

"Well I thought I did too."

I try my hardest to hold back the tears.

"...so basically that means that during this chaotic time, you guys need to have unconditional support from those around you." Hmm. You hear that? You’re supposed to care about me, Harry.

"No. You leave because you could care less, and you don’t feel like dealing with me. Is that it? You’re leaving because you don’t care?"

"Come on, Harry don’t be like this. You know that’s not true. I’m not leaving you."

"You’re pathetic Dougie, you know that?"

The rest of the day just seems to drag on and on. Nothing unusual. I walk into class, the people stare at me like I’m a freak, the "popular" kids make fun of me behind my back, homework like you wouldn’t believe gets piled on, you know. The usual. But these people, they just don’t know. They don’t know what it’s like to be alone, what it’s like when the one person you truly care about leaves you.

"Aye, Doug!" I turn around to come face to face with my friend Danny. He looks awful. His eyes are bloodshot, and he has a black eye. His voice is raspy, and he looks unbelievably high.

"What the hell happened to your face?"

"I got in a fight."

"How come?"

"I dunno..." he shrugs and looks at a student passing by. "Stupid reasons I guess. Hey you got any coke on you?" His eyes start to water and he looks at his watch. I shake my head. Sometimes I wish I did though. Because then, for once I could leave the world behind and forget about you.

"Doug, I seriously need cocaine right now. I can’t function without it." Ouch. I look at him sympathetically.

"Have you considered rehab?"

He shoots me an angry look. "No, I’m not addicted." Yeah...right. Whatever you say Danny.

"Look, I gotta go, I’ll catch you later Danny." He nods and we part ways.

"Harry, come on! You’re in some twisted little world and you need to come back to reality! You know that I care about you!"

"Yeah, well things change."

My eyes, throat, and stomach are burning from the crying. I feel like a walking train wreck. It’s not fair. Why do I go through this every day? Why can’t I just forget you? I’m failing most of my classes, I have a total of about two friends, I’m stuck with a dead end job, and on top of it all, I’m alone. Completely lost and alone.

"Doesn’t it make you feel like shit to be left behind?"

"I can’t lose you. Please. You’re the only person I’ve ever really cared about."

"Dougie, you lost me a long time ago."

Why can’t I stop the pain? It hurts. It hurts beyond belief. But you don’t care. You never did. My best just wasn’t good enough for you. I don’t understand it. I was so happy as a kid, up until a year ago. It’s like once you hit 16, everything starts to go wrong. It’s not fair. Being a teenager sucks.

Opening my closet door, I reach for Flopsy, my favourite childhood toy. I crawl into bed and turn on my music, lying back onto my pillows. I lie like this, cuddling Flopsy for what feels like hours. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be a kid again. Innocent, carefree, and happy. Sadly those days are over.